Doubts
by Karin Mazaki
Summary: Formerly named "Sousuke and Rin", now also revised. Sousuke knows there is a deeper reason for Rin going to Australia, then the excuse that Haru beat him at swimming. Sousuke and Rin are lovers now and he deserves to know, what are Rin's feelings for Haru? Rated T for F bombs and suggested stuff.


Doubts

Formerly named "Sousuke and Rin" and revised.

I know Rin stomped off to Australia because Haru beat him in swimming. But surely there was a deeper reason. A reason that would make Sousuke jealous?

Watch out for Rin's F-bombs.

srsrsrsr

Sousuke woke up with his boyfriend, Rin, in his arms. They had only been dating for a short while and made love for the first time last night. It was only natural as they were sharing a room. But it was also a bit naughty to do it in the dorm, where anyone could walk in. They did it after midnight, so they had some guarantee that the neighbors were asleep. But it would be embarrassing if people heard. Sousuke shrugged it off. Neither boy cared if people knew, they were strong enough to handle any bias with their words or fists.

Sousuke looked at Rin cuddled against him in the small bed. The guy was so cute, like an angel when he slept. Rin's long eyelashes fluttered on his cheeks. He smiled in his sleep and snuggled closer to Sousuke and mumbled his name. Sousuke's heart fluttered. He had doubts that Rin loved him best. He wanted to know if Rin had gotten over his attraction to Haru.

Rin opened up his eyes and yawned cutely like a puppy. Sousuke's heart skipped a beat. Rin smiled with affection at his boyfriend.

"Morning."

"Good morning Rin."

They kissed and got up. Both boys had boyfriends before and were experienced. However, it had been a while since Rin last bottomed so he winced. The memories of last night flooded back and he grinned. They got dressed and Rin was about to lead the way to the cafeteria for breakfast, when Sousuke stopped him. Sousuke needed to know Rin's feelings before they went any further in this relationship. He loved Rin very deeply and if Rin still had feelings for Haru…

"Rin I want to talk about something very serious."

Rin only knew of one subject that could be bothering Sousuke. He nodded and sat on the bunk.

"I have a pretty good idea what this is about, so go ahead." Rin said.

Sousuke was nervous so he remained standing and took a breath.

"I love you Rin. I really love you like no one else."

He looked at Rin who had an affectionate look on his face. Sousuke felt more secure and plowed ahead.

"I need to know if you have any lingering feelings for Haru?"

"Before last night I would have hesitated to answer, but now I know. I love only Sousuke."

Sousuke let out a breath and moved to sit by Rin. He threw his arms around his boyfriend and hugged him. Rin hugged him back.

"You mean that, you really mean that you love me the most?"

"Yeah, I do."

They kissed. Sousuke couldn't deny the love and affection in Rin's eyes. Rin realized he need to explain more and get rid of all of Sousuke's doubts.

"I never felt such a deep connection with anyone before last night. When I looked in your eyes and you were gripping my hand so hard. I felt so connected, so tied to you. Like how girls talk about a red string."

Rin paused as they shared the moment. Then Rin continued.

"I did have a thing for Haru, who wouldn't, he's so cute."

Rin laughed at Sousuke's frowny face.

"Don't be jealous Love. Let me explain and I promise you'll never feel jealous again."

Sousuke smiled at the affectionate nickname but doubt lingered in his eyes. Rin wanted, more than anything, to erase those doubts.

"I fell for Haru the moment I first met him at the age of twelve. I didn't know then he was already dating Makoto. Looking back it was kind of obvious, especially the day when Haru seemed to be a little looser in the hips when he swam."

Rin laughed at the memory and continued.

"There was also the day when Makoto's hips looked loose. I never knew Haru could be like that. Well, I can laugh now but I was really heartbroken when I caught them kissing that time. Suddenly the things I saw fell into place and any doubts I had about going to Australia disappeared."

Rin paused and Sousuke was going to speak when Rin stopped him.

"No, you need to hear it all. Don't say anything until I finish."

Sousuke nodded his head in understanding and Rin continued. With a deep breath he said:

"I was in Australia and heard through the grapevine that Haru quit swimming. I assumed it was a sign of his feelings for me and came home to ask him out. I could see Haru and Makoto were even more lovey-dovey than before. I was confused how the stories I heard, conflicted with what I saw. I was also confused because Haru was swimming but Gou explained how things came about. But that didn't change the fact he quit swimming in middle school. Haru explained to me, last year; that he didn't give up on swimming, he gave up on the team. He said without me it was pointless as there wasn't any swimmers in school at my level. There was also the way I left. He was hurt because he loved me as a brother."

Rin paused here letting Sousuke to absorb this information.

"…He loved you _only_ as a brother?" Sousuke asked.

"Yeah, I believed him because I saw Haru and Makoto kiss, that time. It was after practice and I thought Makoto left with Nagisa and I went to talk to Haru about going to Australia and I saw them. Makoto had his back to me and he reached out to cup Haru's cheek and pulled him into a kiss. What stabbed me through the heart was the look of pure love on Haru's face. He never looked at me like that. The only one who has is sitting right next to me."

Rin paused to receive a kiss from his grinning boyfriend.

"Broken hearted I avoided both Haru and Makoto after that, and I didn't discuss my plans with Haru. Haru was hurt because he thought I was ending the friendship. I fucked up a lot of friendships, ours too."

Rin looked sorry and Sousuke said:

"Water under the bridge."

"Yeah I was stupid when it comes to relationships. I fucked things up with Haru and came back assuming stuff, and fucked it up more. But everything is alright now. We all did a lot of growing up. I felt so stupid. Of course he loves me like a brother, I'm the same way with Gou. Of course he loves Makoto the best, it is the same with us. It is different when you are loved back. The feelings are deeper. The sex is more intense when you are in love. Any doubts about my feelings for you are gone. I see Haru as a brother, Makoto as a friend and you as my lover. I love you Sousuke. Do you doubt me still?"

Sousuke understood the pure loving look Haru had given Makoto. It was the same as the one on Rin's face. Sousuke hugged his love and said:

"I'll never doubt again. You love me, you really love me."

"I do."

The lovey-dovey moment was interrupted by stomach growls. They laughed and now with the air clear between them, they felt content. They kissed one last time and left for breakfast.

srsrsrsr

Please review.


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